Chloe Madeley shared a throwback bump snap on Monday as she reflected on her fears that she didn’t ‘bond’ with her daughter Bodhi while pregnant with her.
The personal trainer, 35, welcomed her little one with husband James Haskell last August but has now opened up about her pregnancy more.
In a new Instagram post she told how it ‘worried her’ that the ‘magical’ bond other women felt when expecting didn’t hit her until her little one was born.
She went on to say that it felt ‘alien to her’ having a baby inside her that she didn’t know yet – but that it all changed as soon as she laid eyes on her after birth.
She penned alongside a bikini snap with James: ‘A year ago today. I can’t quite get my head around this…
Honest: Chloe Madeley shared a throwback bump snap on Monday as she reflected on her fears that she didn’t ‘bond’ with her daughter Bodhi while pregnant with her
Family: The personal trainer, 35, welcomed her little one with husband James Haskell last August but has now opened up about her pregnancy more
‘I loved being pregnant, even through the hellish days of morning sickness, migraines and iron deficiency anaemia. I just thought it was the most incredible experience. Mind blowing at times.
‘But quite honestly I had NO idea what to expect, and even though I fell in love with seeing her little face on scans, i was never fully comfortable talking to her / singing to her / bonding with her while pregnant.
‘It was just so alien to me, a baby inside me I didn’t know at all yet…just a million dimensions away from my reality.
‘And honestly it worried me at times, wondering when this magical bond would hit, and quite frankly it didn’t, not until the second I laid my eyes on her, 40+6, screaming, slightly purple, attached to an umbilical chord and covered in vernix!’
She continued: ‘That was it, that was precisely when my life changed, and when I look at this photo, ironically, it is completely alien to me, a million dimensions away from my world as I know it.
‘And I want to share that many of my friends didn’t have the same experience as me. Many bonded while pregnant. Many didn’t bond until the baby was a few days old. Some weeks. Some months. And this is all fairly normal, even if it’s not really spoken about.
‘Anyway, sorry for the diary entry! I suppose this is just the first photo I’ve ever seen that’s made me realise a whole life has dissolved, and a new one has emerged in place of it. MAD.’
It comes after last week Chloe revealed that she relies on her parents Richard and Judy on ‘bad days’ as a new mum.
Candid: In a new Instagram post she told how it ‘worried her’ that the ‘magical’ bond other women felt when expecting didn’t hit her until her little one was born
Sweet: he went on to say that it felt ‘alien to her’ having a baby inside her that she didn’t know yet – but that it all changed as soon as she laid eyes on her after birth
Throwback: She penned alongside a bikini snap with James: ‘A year ago today. I can’t quite get my head around this…’
The star even admitted she felt ‘quite depressed’ in her third trimester.
Chloe explained in a new podcast that she struggled with living in the Midlands while her parents were in London during her pregnancy but that now they have moved down south things are easier.
Speaking on the Midwife Pip podcast Chloe said of her final stages of pregnancy: ‘I felt very isolated, very alone. I was quite depressed and quite freaked out.
‘I also don’t think it helped at the time that James and I were still living in the Midlands and I was away from all my friends and family.’
‘Whereas now if I have a bad day… I just get in the car and go to my parents.’
Chloe described how her parents now help her lots, saying she is able to ‘catch my breath’.
She explained: ‘Just being in my family home with my mum and dad, who are also obsessed with Bodhi, I just catch my breath again and come back down to earth.
‘I kind of reconnect with everything I love about my life.’
The couple were living with Richard and Judy soon after Bodhi was born amid renovations to their London home.
But now the property is all ready and they have moved in – with Chloe giving a house tour on Instagram earlier this week.
Last month Chloe aired her frustrations in an Instagram post after she shared a picture of her daughter sitting on James’s lap in the back of a car.
In the exchange, Chloe was asked: ‘Why isn’t your child in a car seat?! How irresponsible,’ to which the fitness influencer replied: ‘Because it’s a taxi, look it up.’
Yet the follower exclaimed: ‘Taxi or not – shame on you,’ prompting Chloe to respond: ‘Understanding the law is not your forte. Do you think you’re more informed than the law?
‘How dare you insinuate that because we’re in a 10 minute taxi ride where legally our child under the age of 3 sits on our lap, that I’m a bad mother. You are the worst of us women. Go away. Get a grip. Get a life.’
The law states that in taxis and minicabs children can travel without a car seat if the driver doesn’t provide a correct one.
Children must travel on a rear seat and without a seat belt if they’re under the age of three and with one if they’re older.
Support: It comes after last week Chloe revealed that she relies on her parents Richard and Judy on ‘bad days’ as a new mum
It is not the first time Chloe has had to defend the couple’s parenting decisions for Bodhi.
Chloe jumped to husband James’ defence after he was trolled following an interview where she said she went back to work eight weeks after the birth of her daughter Bodhi.
The personal trainer defended her family after she told The Mirror that she headed back to work two months after giving birth, admitting it was a ‘pride’ thing not to rely on James to be the breadwinner.
She said: ‘James obviously makes a great income and he’s my partner and that’s fantastic, but we don’t have a joint account. We’ve always had separate accounts and I think that’s a bit of a pride thing with me.’